Apr 03, 2021
RAY: This puzzler is about Crusty's wedding. He's been married five times and this has to do with his most recent nuptials.
On the occasion of his most recent wedding, he had to take a long trip to meet his bride-to-be. It was quite a distance away to Unadilla, N.Y. So he took his most reliable car, his '65 Falcon, and makes his way through Massachusetts onto Route 7 in New York.
He's cruising along when all of a sudden, the car backfires and dies, and he coasts to the side of the road. He realizes immediately that his points have burnt out. Luckily in his glove box is a brand-new set of ignition points.
As luck would have it, his entire tool kit is in the glove box which consists of a screwdriver, a hammer, and a jackknife. So he opens the hood and takes off the distributor cap and proceeds to remove the little screw that holds the points in. He deftly removes the screw, installs the new points...and drops the screw. Where does it go? Where it always goes! Inside the distributor!
And he can't get it out. He can see it. He can even touch it with his screwdriver, but he can't get it out. He runs to the trunk, and he finds in there the kind of stuff you usually find in the trunk.
A jack, a salami sandwich, a junky old lamp, a gallon of Filippo Berio extra virgin olive oil, and a 50-pound bag of dog food.
Using one or a combination of these things, he manages to extricate the screw from its hiding place inside the distributor within a matter of minutes. And he does not tip the car over on its roof. How does he do it?
RAY: Here's what Crusty does to get to his wedding on time. He takes the lamp cord, realizes that this isn't going to be his bride's wedding present after all, and he cuts the cord with the jackknife. He then bares the ends of the cord so that he has a wire with the insulation removed. He then wraps that lamp cord around the screwdriver and, touching the bare ends of the battery, turns his screwdriver into an electromagnet. And in the second he pulls out the screw and before the lamp cord catches fire, he installs the screw, sets the points, making him only two hours late for the wedding.
Of course, his bride-to-be was gone when he got to the church. But he did make it. You know, the moral of the story is that you can make it if you have to, but he was a little late. He'll have to wait until his next wedding.