Bride of Crusty

Jan 12, 2019

RAY: Long, long ago in a galaxy far away, a Ford Galaxy that is, our pal, Crusty, was driving to what was to be his wedding ceremony up in the wilds of Maine. He's driving along this lonely road and while driving along, he drifts into a state of euphoria. (Euphoria is right on the border of Maine, right between Maine and New Hampshire.)

He's thinking about the marital bliss that awaits him. At least the first two weeks, until his wife figures out he doesn't bathe. So, there he is, he's driving along and he's daydreaming and in this state of euphoria, and he hits a rock in the road. A big rock. It tears open his gas tank.

He gets out of the car and sees a huge gash in the tank. He runs to the back and says, "Oh Fudge!" He realizes that the gasoline is pouring out at such a rate that he's never going to make it to the wedding and he knows that if he doesn't make it, she's not going to hang around.

She's going to have those extra two minutes to think about it and she's out of there. He doesn't know how he hooked her in the first place so, if he doesn't get there on time, he's done for.

So, he opens the trunk to figure out a way to get himself out of this problem and he starts pulling things out... He's got like another transmission in there, a starter, motor. A raccoon coat with the raccoon still in it. And there's nothing else except his tool kit. He races, stares, looks down again and he sees the gas pouring out and he realizes that in five minutes he's going to be done for. Absolutely done for.

So he runs to the front of the car, throws open the hood and with a few tools in his hand, in a few minutes, maybe even less, maybe a minute, he yanks something out from under the hood. A minute later, he's driving away and makes it to the wedding on time. Now, he didn't yank out the fuel pump nor did he yank out the carburetor. Those are two hints, but he yanked something out, and was able to make it to the wedding on time, before Mrs. Crusty realized she was about to make a huge mistake.

Now, if you think you know what Crusty did drop us a line. It worked, I might add, beautifully.



RAY: Here's the anwer... I think you might hate it. He removes the windshield washer bottle, pours out the washer fluid -- glug, glug, glug. Fills up the washer bottle with gasoline.

He puts the washer bottle back where he took it out from, hooks the hose from it not to the spritzers, but to the carburetor and he gets to his wedding by hitting the little button on the dashboard. So, instead of using his fuel pump to fill up the carburetor with gasoline, he goes bzeep, bzeep. And the car begins to run all right and we notice that he's starting to stumble and losing power. He gives another little squirt.

And of course it's applicable because his Galaxy had a carburetor. If he had a fuel-injected car like we all have now, it never would have worked.


Get the Car Talk Newsletter