You know it's time for a new car when...

Jimmy Hoffa thanks you for finally prying open the trunk.

It burns so much oil, King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia personally calls you "just to check in."

Your odometer switches to scientific notation...

Your mechanic names his new, 65-foot yacht after you.

The homeless ask you to please not park in front of their boxes.

Your air bags need to be inflated manually.

Your dog ducks his head back inside the window so other dogs won't see him...

You can't seem to locate a parts number for "buckboard" or "oat bag."

The Amish mock you when you drive by.

Archeologists ask for a spare part to carbon date... And inquire discreetly where you dug it up.