Wisdom from Woody Allen

From: Mark Knight

"80% of success is showing up."

"I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear."

"Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage."

"I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland."

"I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in 20 minutes. It involves Russia."

"Students achieving oneness will move on to twoness."

"There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more."

"Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?"

"As the poet said, 'Only god can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.'"