Some Very Punny Stories

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two deadraccoons. The flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'msorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins intolow earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the world.

3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went toHollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind inthe cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one,naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lita fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can'thave your kayak and heat it too.

5. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. Heslides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man whoshot my paw."

6. Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused Novocainduring a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and werestanding in the lobby discussing their recent tournamentvictories. After an hour, the manager came out of the office andasked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they movedoff. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting inan open foyer."

8. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One ofthem goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The othergoes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later,Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Uponreceiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes shealso had a picture of Amal. He responds, "They're twins! Ifyou've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

9. The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so theyopened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyoneliked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist acrosstown thought this was unfair. He asked the good fathers to closedown, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars toclose. They ignored him. So the rival florist hired HughMacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in townto "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashedtheir store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and onlyHugh, can prevent florist friars.

10. There was a woman who sent ten different puns to friends, inthe hope that at least one of the puns would make them laughUnfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Kathy Marshall

[ As Read on Car Talk ]