News Release--From API, UPI, CPI, Reuters and all the ships at sea


In a surprise move today, the U.S. House of Representatives announced that they will introduce a measure to abolish all drunk driving laws in thecountry.

"Drunk driving is just not all it's cracked up to be," chuckled Newton Farquar Gingrich, Speaker of the House. "Those radical groups like Mothers Against Drunk Driving are just another hysterical bunch of PMS-crazed womenwho just don't know how to have a goodtime, " he added.

When questioned by critics about the possible influence on the House Members by lobbyists from the alcoholic beverage and restaurant industries, Mr. Gingrich replied, "Now there's a bunch of people who really know how to throw a party! Wow, these past few months have been a dream come true--although I will admit I don't remember much of it."

Gingrich also denied the suggestion that he was slurring his words; but the news conference did end rather abruptly when he stumbled and fell from the podium.

[ As Read on Car Talk ]