CEO: chief embezzlement officer.
CFO: corporate fraud officer.
P/E: parole entitlement.
EPS: eventual prison sentence.
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
MOMENTUM INVESTING: The fine art of buying high and selling low.
VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BUY, BUY: A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.
STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
WINDOWS 2000: What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for$240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Someone who has owned equities for the last two years and who's now locked up long-term in a hospital.
PROFIT: Religious guy who talks to God.