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Abdicate -v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Balderdash -n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Bustard -n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Carcinoma -n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Circumvent -n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Coffee -n., a person who is coughed upon.

Esplanade -v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Flabbergasted -adj., appalled at how much weight you have gained.

Flatulence -n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Gargoyle -n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Internet -n., the web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare Bill Clinton.

Lymph -v., to walk with a lisp.

Macadam -n., the first man on Earth, according to the Scottish bible.

Marionettes -n., residents of Washington, DC, who have been jerked around by the mayor.

Negligent -adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Oyster -n., a person who sprinkles his or her conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Semantics -n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Testicle -n., a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude -n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before s/he examines you.

Willy-nilly -adj., impotent.