January 2 Holiday Diet (circa 1997)

Dear Tom and Ray,

With the arrival of the holiday season, many of us are concerned aboutovereating and the resulting effect on our health. There is no need tofret any longer. The fact is, overindulging in food consumption isgood for you. Here's why:

Reduced stress. By constantly striving to maintain a lean figure andworrying about "looking good," people put undue stress on themselves.Relax. Stop feeling guilty. Let's face it--you don't look that goodanyway, so a few extra pounds aren't going to matter.

Cancer prevention. Every week, it seems, the doctors make some newannouncement about a particular food having cancer-preventiveproperties. One week it's oat bran, the next it's broccoli, then it'sred wine. And it's unclear how much one needs to consume to obtain thedesired cancer protection. Therefore, the best way to ensure thatyou've got all the cancer-fighting ingredients you need is to eatplenty of everything in hearty portions. Until the medical communityfinally settles on what the real cancer-preventing foods are, the bestbet is to cover all the bases.

Antibacterial and antiviral. Very simply, by stuffing yourself full offood, there isn't any room left for germs. Thus, portly people canwander around in a waiting room full of flu patients with nary a care.

So, this year, forget about limiting your calorie intake. Be healthy.Be fat.

Best regards,

Ed Drewitz
East Northport, NY

[ As Read on Car Talk ]