Hemorrhoids on the Increase


Dear Tom and Ray,

It is probably not often that you are thanked for helping someone's business through your advice on Car Talk, but that is exactly why I am writing.

About six months ago, you were helping a caller with a problem with his Honda. I'm sure you will remember this episode since--surprise of all surprises, you were stumped by his automotive problem. This did not, however, stop you from making recommendations to the caller. If I can recall your words, you suggested that he take his Honda repair manual and go read through it while sitting on the "john."

It is this seemingly innocuous suggestion which has been a tremendous boon for my business. You see, I am a colorectal surgeon, and as most good mechanics (and many of my colleagues) know from experience, performing your research while sitting on the "john" is an outstanding way to produce gargantuan hemorrhoids. Since your suggestion on the air, I have seen my business grow at a phenomenal rate. In fact, I have begun a little medical research study to determine if I can tell the make and model of a patient's car by the size of his hemorrhoids. Just the other day a poor suffering gentleman came to the office with the largest hemorrhoids I have ever seen on a young man. I almost hesitated to ask him, but it turns out I was correct--he does drive a '92 Plymouth Sundance!

Anyway, I can't thank you enough for your help with my business. My office staff has elected both of you to be honorary co-chairmen of our business marketing and development task force, should you desire to participate. We would have written you before, but business has been so brisk since your suggestion to that troubled amateur automotive repairman that I haven't had much time to sit myself. I am so grateful that, should you ever need any "duff remodeling," I would be pleased to offer you my services at an automotive mechanic's rates.


Dr. Phillip Dean
Colon and Rectal Surgery
Saginaw, MI

As Read on Car Talk ]