Elegant Insults

From: Jim Brown

"Nothing has more retarded the advancement of learning than the disposition of vulgar minds to ridicule and vilify what they cannot comprehend." - Samuel Johnson: Rambler #117

"A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults."- Louis Nizer (1902 - 1994) English lawyer

"Fine words! I wonder where you stole them." - Jonathon Swift

"What's on your mind? If you'll forgive the overstatement." -Fred Allen

"You have all the characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner." - Aristophanes

"The Gods too are fond of a joke." - Aristotle

"She was a large woman who seemed not so much dressed as upholstered." - James Matthew Barrie

"Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?"- Milton Berle

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man & worships his creator." - John Bright

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices Iadmire." - Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason." - WinstonChurchill

"I may be drunk madame, but in the morning I will be sober, and you will be just as ugly." - Winston Churchill (when asked if he was drunk)

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"She has been kissed as often as a police-court Bible, and bymuch the same class of people." - Robertson Davies

"He was distinguished for ignorance; for he had only one idea and that was wrong." - Benjamin Disraeli

"He was one of the nicest old ladies I ever met." - William Faulkner

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul." - David Lloyd George

"He has every attribute of a dog except loyalty." - Thomas P.Gore

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Nature not content with denying him the ability to think, has endowed him with the ability to write." - A.E. Housman

"His ears made him look like a taxi cab with both doors open."- Howard Hughes (about Clark Gable)

"God was bored by him." - Victor Hugo

"He's a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off." - Lyndon Baines Johnson (about Gerald Ford)

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"Her only flair is in her nostrils." - Pauline Kael

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."- Jack E. Leonard

"I wish I'd known you when you were alive." - Leonard LouisLevinson

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"His speeches left the impression of an army of pompous phrases moving over the landscape in search of an idea." - William McAdoo (about Warren Harding)

"You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it." - Groucho Marx

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."- Groucho Marx

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." -Groucho Marx

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."- Groucho Marx

"Don't be humble...you're not that great." - Golda Meir

"He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death." - H. H. Munro

"It has been the political career of this man to begin with hypocrisy, proceed with arrogance, and finish with contempt." - Thomas Paine (about John Adams)

"A brain of feathers, and a heart of lead." - Alexander Pope

"A cherub's face, a reptile all the rest." - Alexanger Pope

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them." - James Reston (aboutRichard Nixon)

"He never said a foolish thing nor never did a wise one."- Earl of Rochester

"He has no more backbone than a chocolate eclair."- Theodore Roosevelt

"A little emasculated mass of inanity." - Theodore Roosevelt(about Henry James)

"You're a good example of why some animals eat their young."- Jim Samuels

"The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation, but not the power of speech." - George Bernard Shaw

"A woman whose face looked as if it had been made of sugar and someone had licked it." - George Bernard Shaw

"Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other." - Neil Simon

"I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion."- Robert Louis Stevenson

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He was as great as a man can be without morality."- Alexis de Tocqueville

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere." - Mark Twain

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity." - Mark Twain

"Had double chins all the way down to his stomach." - Mark Twain

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -Mae West

"She is a peacock in everything but beauty." - Oscar Wilde

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."- Oscar Wilde

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -Oscar Wilde

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today, and it will set the pace tomorrow." - Franklin K.Dane

"Why was I born with such contemporaries?" - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"A great many people now reading and writing would be better employed keeping rabbits." - Edith Sitwell

[ As Read on Car Talk]