The Department of Full Disclosure

1997 Black Infiniti J30. 129k miles. $2200. All in all, a great car with a few minor mechanical and cosmetic issues:

The alternator needs to be replaced because it's not charging the battery. No big deal - my mechanic says it will cost around $250.

There's a deep crescent-shaped scratch on the front windshield, left by a malfunctioning wiper blade. Barely noticeable... except in direct sunlight, or at night when illuminated by oncoming traffic.

There's also a little something wrong with the fan belt... When driven under 70 mph, it makes a metallic shrieking noise like an opera singer might make after landing, too hard, on a horse.

The car has an amazing Bose stereo, but the tape deck has a "William Shatner Christmas Carols" cassette stuck in it. But who listens to tapes anymore? Also some of the stereo's important buttons are missing because of an incident involving a very powerful coin operated vacuum.

There's some minor smoke damage from the radio, and other miscellaneous electrical fires, though not on the headliner, as it was thrown from vehicle after it caught fire.

The under carriage guard is missing. More accurately, it was torn off during a night of blackout drinking.

Also, there are two dents in the rear quarter panels, they're about a men's size 11.

The interior is basically clean. On humid days, though, you might smell the slightest hint of dried vomit under the front passenger seat, where the coin-operated vacuum, mentioned above, failed to reach.

Despite the minor cosmetic flaws the car looks great, inside and out... especially on misty nights, under a layer of dew, or when recovering from cataract surgery.

If you're interested in taking a look, meet me on the 6th floor of the ArcLight hollywood parking garage - where it failed to start after a showing of "Gran Torino."