Daylight Time Conspiracy

Dear Dougie,

Usually your two charges fit into the same category as the NBA regular season -- amusing, even entertaining, but of little consequence. I have taken a poll of people here in the Dallas area, and both respondents who knew of your program gave the same response as those who have not -- a shrug and a silly smile.

In the matter of Daylight Savings Time, however, your Italian Stallions have become the unwitting dupes of the Daylight Time Conspiracy. I am shocked that Tommy, with his graduate degrees, cannot do the simple math to understand the DTC.

If one can see his way clear to accept the premise that "Government can give people nothing which it has not already taken away from them," the rest follows as surely as cappuccino gets into the mustache. Daylight Savings Time involves 1) TAKING an hour fromevery American in April (the fact that this is done under cover of night should alert anyone with half a brain that something is amiss,) and B) GIVING the hour back in October to the survivors.

During the course of six months, tens of thousands of senior citizens, accident victims, and other red-blooded Americans have the misfortune to die. If they die during the Daylight Savings Time months, they die an hour early. Their lives, tragically cut short by death, are cut an hour shorter by DST. WHERE DOES THIS TIME GO?

My father-in-law inspired this quest of mine. I noticed that no matter whether one Sprung forward or Fell back, my wife's Dad managed to lose an hour. During each of these occurrences, he was engaged in worry over his Social Security. This realization made all the pieces fit -- suddenly I realized that the government is stockpiling our time, borrowing an hour from each of us at zero interest and paying back only those fortunate enough to still be alive in October.

Have you ever wondered how members of Congress can vacation among their constituents, go on fact-finding junkets to the Caribbean, campaign for reelection AND constantly create new bad legislation? It isn't difficult -- they have plenty of time! Did you ever wonder why Senators build up such impressive retirement benefits in a single term? For them that term is well over twenty years!

Please use your influence with Tom and Ray. Dissuade them from this madness. What will become of America if we give the government 250 million hours outright? It's still not too late.

Or early.

David Lewis
Dallas, Texas

[ As Read on Car Talk ]