Cynical Sayings


Reprinted with permission from Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive and The Washington Post.

The Style Invitational Week 535: PictureThis

Sunday, December 7, 2003; Page D02

Reportfrom Week 531, in which you were asked to take an inspirational statement and express it with cynicism.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Of course,so does falling down a flight of stairs.

Never say die. I've tried, and it doesn't actually make people die.
(Tom McCudden, Durham,N.C.)

Never underestimate your ability to overestimate your ability.
(Donna Lewis, Vienna)

Laughter is the best medicine, but in certain situations the Heimlich maneuver may be more appropriate.
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

It takes a village to raise a child to hate all of the people in the next village.
(Charles Star, New York)

The key to someone's heart is never lost: It's just that the locks were changed 'cause you're some sort of psycho.

You have to learn to crawl before you can grovel.
(Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you're probably the executioner.
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Every dog has his day. Of course, his day consists of smelling other dogs' butts.
(Mark Briscoe, Arlington)

You've got to kiss alot of frogs before you find the prince. Buthe probably isn't going to be interested in some frog-kisser.
(Amanda Richards, Palatine,Ill.)

True beauty is on the inside, where no one will ever see it.
(David Iscoe, Washington)

One person can make a difference, if that person is, like, Bill Gates or whatzisname, the speaker of the House of Representatives.
(Russell Beland,Springfield)

Aspire to greatness. But remember that no one ever assassinated a refrigerator repairman.
(Bird Waring, NewYork)

A high tide lifts all boats, except those with a big gaping hole in the bottom.
(Bobby Welsh,Annandale)

There are none so blind as those who have been in an accident at a fertilizer factory.
(Elden Carnahan,Laurel)

You can run but you can't hide, except apparently along the Afghan-Pakistani border.
(Bob Wallace,Reston)

Say not that honor is the child of boldness, nor believe that the hazard of life alone can pay the price of it; it isnot theaction that is due, but to the manner of performing it. You got all that? Me neither.
(Chris Doyle, Forsyth,Mo.)

You can do anything if you want it bad enough. That is why we see so many people who can fly.
(Elden Carnahan,Laurel)

Every failure is a step to success up a ladder that will eventually collapse under the weight of all those failures.
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

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[ As Read on Car Talk]