British Officer Reports

Larry Sherman sent the following letter (response sent from

I ran into some more aphorisms. First, I made up a couple myself, to wit (or not to wit):

I. I've been meaning to start procrastinating, but I keep putting it off.

B. I hate it when people don't finish their

OK. Now, I remember the next one from the signature on someone else's e-mail. It sounds a little like something from "Deep Thoughts":

iii. When I die, I want to go quietly in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in the night like the passengers in his car.

And, finally, someone sent me the following a few scant moments ago: The British military writes OFRs (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206s"....


-- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
-- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
-- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
-- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
-- This officer should go far--and the sooner he starts, the better.
-- I would not breed from this officer.
-- This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
-- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
-- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
-- He would be out of his depth in a car-park puddle.
-- Technically sound, but socially impossible.
-- This officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope:
always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
-- When he joined my ship, this officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
-- This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
-- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
-- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
-- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
-- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.



[ As Read on Car Talk ]