Actual Headlines

From: Jessica Comaskey

Prostitutes Appeal To Pope

Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case

Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over

Stolen Painting Found By Tree

Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter

Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One

War Dims Hope For Peace

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half

Old School Pillars Are Replaced By Alumni

Hospitals Are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

Iraqi Head Seeks Arms