At the Office
A guy was helping his blonde girlfriend outwith a computer problem she had.
As she logged in he saw her enter herpassword as follows:
"Why are you using such a long password?" heasked.
"You told me to!" she replied.
"What! I did?" he asked.
"Yes," she replied. "You said my passwordshould be at least 8 characters long andinclude a capital.?
A big corporation recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees."
The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads "NO." After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"
A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool!!! For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something!"
Wayne Van Zomeren
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.
"What is your name?" the manager asked.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first names. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last names only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all.I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson.
"Now that we've got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers, and the CEO thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
He walks up to the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?"
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $200 a week. Why?"
The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams, "I pay my employees to work, not stand around. Here's a week's pay; now GET OUT and don't come back!"
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room at the shocked expression on everyone's face and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?"
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, "He's the pizza delivery guy."