Dear Tom and Ray:
My husband Tom and I disagree on something, and he suggested I write to you for your opinion, as he reads your column faithfully. He likes to put empty soda cans under the tires of our vehicles, and then he drives over them to crush them. He thinks it's harmless and won't hurt the tires. I, on the other hand, think it's bad for the tires and could cause them to wear out sooner. What's your opinion? Is he harming or hurting the tires? He promises to abide by your decision, but will probably be "crushed" if you two take my side on this! -- Carol
RAY: Well, even though we think he's being a knucklehead and risking unnecessary damage to his $100 tires, we can't take your side on this, Carol. He reads our column. And we can't alienate him, because our editor told us we need all the readers we can get.
TOM: So, here's what we're going to suggest. Soda's not really good for you anyway. It's basically high fructose corn syrup and water. It makes you fat and gives you diabetes. So stop buying cans of soda.
RAY: Right. Instead, switch to unsweetened juice, which comes in, what? Cardboard juice boxes! And then let him run over those to his heart's content, Carol. At least until he finds a less wacko hobby.