[Our editor has replaced unprintable words with the much more
pleasant words with similar meanings in brackets]
Please Never Write a Book Again
Your book completely [inhaled vigorously]. My book was missing about 20 pages, which you may want to pass along to the publisher, but after reading the portion of the book that I had, I realized it wasn't worth the effort to return it and get another one. Please never write a book again. Ever.
Another Cop That Doesn't Eat Donuts!
I have been a cop for over twenty years and I want you to know that all cops do not feast on doughnuts, as you've indicated.
Your Show is Making Me Sick
Your show gives me a headache. Your laugh makes me want to puke.
I Was Most Disturbed by Your Crudness
I was more than shocked by the coarseness of your opening remarks concerning an automatic flatulence maker. In fact, I was most disturbed by the crudeness and immediately turned off the radio so my 10-year-old grandson and I would hear no more.