Best Bad Car Jokes

Car painted like Van Gogh
That's a nice car, but... where where did my Van Gogh?!

If there’s anything that we’re known for at Car Talk it’s lame jokes. I mean, these jokes are terrible. “Dad Jokes” are thought-provoking, razor sharp humor in comparison. These jokes make Henny Youngman look like Lenny Bruce.

We warned you...

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

Guy walks into an auto parts store and says to the counterman “I’d like new air freshener for my Yugo.” The guy behind the counter shakes his hand and says “OK, that sounds like a pretty decent trade.”

New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk.

Q: What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

A: Hailing taxis!

Q: What’s the difference between a Ferrari and six trash bags full of recyclable cans?

A: I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

A truck carrying vicks vaporub overturned on the highway, amazingly there was no congestion for 8 hours strait

Robin: The cars not working

Batman: Did you check the battery?

Robin: Whats a tery?

Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

A: “Robin, get in the car.”

Two Cadillac drivers got in a fender-bender, got out of their cars, and then started yelling at each other.

Within a few seconds they were in a fist-fight. I guess you could say things Escaladed quickly.

Q: What is the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind before it hits the windshield?

A: Its butt.

I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

Q: What do you call a VW bus at the top of a hill?

A: A miracle.

Q: What’s the difference between a Fiat and a golf ball?

A: You can drive a golf ball more than 200 yards.

On a trip to America, Pope Francis lands in New York City and gets picked up by a white stretch limousine. "You know," the Pontiff says, "I hardly ever get to drive anymore. Any chance I could take the wheel?"

The driver hems and haws for a minute but he's supposed to see to the Pope's every want and need. "Yeah, ok," the driver says. "I can't really say no to the Pope."

The Pope pulls away from the curb and buries the gas pedal right to the floor mat. He's darting in and out of city traffic and drifting the limo around corners.

A motorcycle cop sees the limo coming and pulls it over. The driver's window slides silently into the door and the cop is standing face to face with the Pope. The officer walks to his bike and and calls the Chief.

The cop says "I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit, but it's somebody REALLY important."

"Important like the mayor?" the Chief asks.

"Nope," the cop says. "More important than that."

"Important like the governor?" says the Chief.

"Way more important than that," says the cop.

"Like the president?" the Chief asks.

"Much more important."

"Well, who's more important than the president?" asks the Chief.

"I don't know," says the cop, "but the Pope is driving him."

Many years ago we were cruising around Cambridge with Ray Magliozzi from Car Talk.

We came up to a light that just turned red and instead of slowing down, Ray put his foot right to the floor. I yelled out "Ray, you're going to get us killed!"

Ray laughs and says "Take it easy, man, Tommy drives like this."

We hit another red light and Ray blazes right through. "Seriously, we're going die!" I screamed.

"Relax this is how Tommy drives."

Finally, we come to a green light he stops dead and looks both ways.

"Ray, what are you doing?" I asked.

He looked at me and said "Tommy might be coming the other way."

Todays Car-o-Scope

What the stars say about your car for 5/20/2022
A good week to remember that he or she who parks under telephone lines pays more at the car wash.
Select your sign
  1. Aries
  2. Taurus
  3. Gemini
  4. Cancer
  5. Leo
  6. Virgo
  7. Libra
  8. Scorpio
  9. Sagittarius
  10. Capricorn
  11. Aquarius
  12. Pisces