Thanksgiving is coming up, and we're getting into the spirit by giving you something to be thankful for—that you didn't have to write these jokes. Each one is guaranteed to be worse than the last, and we promise, you'll be thankful when they're over!
Break one out over your holiday dinner if the family discussion should turn to politics or any other subject you'd rather not hear about. Just don't blame us if you end up finishing your meal outside!
Q: What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
A: A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
Q: Why shouldn’t you look at the turkey dressing?
A: Because it will make him blush.
Q: How do you keep a turkey in suspense?
A: I’ll tell you later.
Q: What do you get when someone sits on the pumpkin pie?
A man was making a last minute grocery run after finding out his entire family was coming for Thanksgiving. As he was picking through the frozen turkeys, he couldn’t find one big enough for his entire family. He asked a stock boy, “Don't these turkeys get any bigger?”
“No, sir. They’re dead.”
We're done telling Thanksgiving jokes now. We think . . . it's so hard to quit cold turkey!
Heard better? (Or worse?) We want to hear them. E-mail us.