Bob and the Magic Lamp

Staff Blog

Staff Blog | Mar 23, 2018

Bob was homeless. He was living in a pile of old cardboard boxes near the beach. One day, he was trudging along the beach, and he stubbed his toe on something hard. He reached down and saw that it was an ancient brass lamp. He picked it up and started to brush it off when, POOF! out popped a genie.

"I have been trapped in that lamp since the age of Hamurabi," the genie said in a stentorian voice. "To thank you for letting me out, I'll grant you three wishes. Use them wisely!" 
POOF! The genie was gone.

"I must be seeing things" thought Bob. So he tossed the lamp in his bag and trudged back towards his encampment. 

When he saw the pile of cardboard boxes he called home, he mumbled to himself--no doubt for the thousandth time, "I wish I had a nice home." 

POOF! The boxes disappeared and were replaced by a rambling mansion terraced into the hillside above the beach. Bob looked down and saw a key in his hand. He walked in and stuffed himself from the well-stocked refrigerator before his brain completely froze up from shock and he passed out in the kitchen. 

The next morning he woke up and was surprised to find himself still in the mansion and the house still solid. On the off chance that it wasn't an hallucination, he said to himself, "I wish I were rich." 

POOF! Not much happened, actually, but when he checked the mailbox, there were statements from a number of investment accounts that gave him an income that while nowhere near that of Bill Gates or Warren Buffet, was substantially more respectable than several major sports personalities'. 

Bob remembered the genie's last words to him, "Use them wisely," and decided to hold off using his third wish until he really needed it. 

About a year later, he was cruising up the coast highway in his vintage Bentley roadster, listening to a seventies rock station and singing along. A jingle he remembered from his childhood came on the radio and he absent-mindedly joined in: 
"Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener..." 

Hey, we told you it would be bad! 

This week's Lame Joke courtesy of Kevin Cheek. Heard better? (Or worse?) E-mail us.

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