The Dartz Prombron: The SUV for People with More Money Than Sense

Craig Fitzgerald

Craig Fitzgerald | Mar 13, 2015

You there! You're reading this, so obviously, you're someone with scads of money, zero taste, and you want to blow through it as fast as humanly possible. Well, we at Car Talk are here to help! Other than donating it to your local NPR station, there's no faster way to deplete your savings account than to purchase the upcoming "Dartz Prombron," the world's most expensive SUV!

A fool and his money are soon parted. Exhibit A. (Dartz)

The Dartz Prombron is built by the crazy Latvians at Dartz Motorz, who have an affinity for vodka, American foxes, and the letter Z.

"There are much more money in the world than ways how to spend this money," says Leonard Yankelovich.

When CEO Leonard F. Yankelovich did an "Ask Me Anything" with Jalopnik this week, his time was marked with pictures of naked women, profanity and booze-fueled anecdotes, so friends, this is a class act we're talking about, providing a vehicle to even classier people.

When the Dartz Prombron was first introduced in 2009, it broke the Internet with the revelation that it featured an interior upholstered in leather acquired from the foreskins of whales. Not making that up. "One of the customers need MOST EXPENSIVE leather," Yankelovich said in his time on Jalopnik. "The most expensive - of course - must be a little bit illegal. That's Whale Penis."

"Not cool, man." (Whit Welles Wwelles14, Wikimedia Commons)

Dartz is suggesting that the 2016 Dartz Prombron -- an all new version of its ultra-stupid SUV -- will be the world's most expensive, at $1.1 million.

For your $1.1 million, you get a lot of sheetmetal and gold-plated gimcrackery hung off a Mercedes-Benz G-Wagen chassis, with your choice of a V-8 or V-12 engine. (And don't forget about the whale interiors!)

Call us crazy, but for $1.1 million, you'd think you'd get something that looked less like it just crashed into the Chrome Doodads aisle at Pep Boys.

I think I'd also want something with a better name than "Dartz Prombron." Here are a few suggestions:

"Bindlestiff Killmister"
"Diphthong Gerund"
"Whifflecut Pompadour"

You guys can play along with the home version of the game. Give us your best shot at a better name for this abomination right here.

We have an idea that's just as effective as bullet proof glass: Don't buy a car that makes people want to kill you.

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