World History According to College Students
"History, a record of things left behind by past generations, started in 1815. Thus we should try to view historical times as the behind of the present. This gives incite into the anals of the past."
"Civilization woozed out of the Nile about 300,000 years ago. The Nile was a river that had some water in it. Every year it would flood and irritate the land. This tended to make the people nervous."
"Judyism was the first monolithic religion. It had one big God named 'Yahoo'."
"Noah's ark came to it's end near Mt. Arafat."
"These pre-Socratics lived long before Plato and were not decisively influenced by his work."
"Plato invented reality. He was teacher to Harris Tottle, author of The Republicans."
"Socrates was accused of sophmorism and sentenced to die of hemroyds."
"Cesar inspired his men by stating, 'I came, I saw, I went'. When he was assassinated, he is reported to have said, 'Me too, Brutus!'"
"Eventually Christians started the new religion with sayings like, 'The mice shall inherit the earth.' Later Christians fortunately abandoned this idea."
"Romans persecuted Christians by lionizing them in public stadiums."
"Without the discovery of the flying buttock it would have been an impossible job to build the Gothic cathedral."
(Regarding the Black Plague): "Death rates exceeded 100% in some towns."
"This was a time of stunned growth. The plague also helped the emergence of English as the national language of England, France, and Italy."
"Renaissance merchants were beautiful and almost life like. They enriched themselves by planting wool and selling it for clothing. They increased these profits by paying interest to people who borrowed money from them. This produced even more grits for the mills of change."
"Hitler, who had become depressed for some reason, crawled under Berlin. Here he had his wife Evita put to sleep, and then shot himself in the bonker."
"The Allies landed near Italy's toe and gradually advanced up her leg, where they hoped to find Mussolini."
"Stalin, Rosevelt, Churchill, and Truman were known as the 'Big Three.'"
"Unfortunately the Second World War was not concluded until1957. A whole generation had been wiped out in two world wars,and their forlorne families were left to pick up the peaces."
"The Civil Rights movement in the USA turned around the corner with Martin Luther Junior's famous 'If I Had a Hammer' speech."
"The East and West made amends with each other. The Berlin Mall was removed. Many Eastern Europeans experienced a new form of arousal at this time."
"It is now the age of now. This concept grinds our critical, seething minds to a halt."
(published by Workman Publishing of New York)