The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN (HONEST AND NO KIDDING):

A king-size water bed holds enough water to fill a 2,000-square-foothouse four inches deep.

If you put hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them withrollerblades, they can ignite.

A three-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowdedrestaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is notstrong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwearand a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spreadpaint on all four walls of a 20-by-20-foot room.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ballup a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit abaseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double-pane)doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh-oh," it'salready too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a36-year-old man says they can do it only in the movies. Amagnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.

"Play-Dough" and "microwave" should never be used in the samesentence.

Superglue is forever.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you stillcan't walk on water. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercialsshow they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toysdo not like ovens. The fire department in Austin has a five-minuteresponse time.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthwormsdizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twicetheir body weight when dizzy.

Regina McMullan

[ As Read On Car Talk ]