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What do you think about Pontiac Firebirds?

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Dear Tom and Ray:


I would like to know if you have heard about any problems concerning 1987 and 1988 Pontiac Firebirds.
Kevin

RAY: No. Other than the fact that they can't be driven in snow and you can't see out of them, we haven't heard any mechanical complaints about these cars. But we have heard complaints about Firebird drivers.

TOM: To find out whether there was any truth to these complaints, we commissioned a far-reaching study. We considered the Gallop and Roper organizations, but finally settled on none other than the famous Paul Murky, of Murky Research Inc. The results were very surprising.

RAY: Previous research had shown that the most aggressive and inconsiderate drivers in the country were men between 25 and 35 who drove BMWs. These were the people most likely to drive up onto the sidewalk and scatter pedestrians in order to beat you into the parking space you were preparing to back into.

TOM: But after much investigation, Murky's new conclusion is that the most aggressive and inconsiderate drivers in the country are now certain women between the ages of 21 and 26. The Murky profile revealed that these drivers tend to chew gum incessantly, paint their stick-on fingernails fire-engine red, and make liberal use of purple sparkle eye shadow.

RAY: 71 percent of them wear short fur coats year round, and 94 percent have elaborate bouffant hair styles. And what kind of car do you think nine out of ten of them drive, Kevin? That's right, a Pontiac Firebird.

TOM: Even more surprising, if you ask me, is that 98 percent of these aggressive drivers answer to the name "Donna." The other 2 percent, by the way, call themselves Jim Rockford.

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