Tips from the Nation's Icebox


60 Californians put on sweaters
(if they can find one in their wardrobe).
50 Miami residents turn on the heat.
40 You can see your breath;
Californians shiver uncontrollably;
Minnesotans go swimming.
35 Italian cars don't start.
32 Water freezes.
30 You plan your vacation to Australia;
Minnesotans put on T-shirts;
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless;
British cars don't start;
Your boogers freeze.
25 Boston water freezes;
Californians weep pitiably;
Minnesotans eat ice cream;
Canadians go swimming.
20 You can hear your breath;
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless;
New York City water freezes;
Miami residents plan vacations farther south.
15 French cars don't start;
You plan a vacation in Mexico;
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.
10 Too cold to ski;
You need jumper cables to get the car going.
5 You plan your vacation in Houston;
American cars don't start.
0 Alaskans put on T-shirts;
Too cold to skate.
-10 German cars don't start;
Eyes freeze shut when you blink.
-15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo;
Arkansans stick their tongues on metal objects;
Miami residents cease to exist.
-20 Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you;
Politicians actually do something about the homeless;
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof;
Japanese cars don't start.
-25 Too cold to think;
International Falls Chamber of Commerce sponsors "Freeze Your Gizzard Blizzard Marathon";
You need jumper cables to get the driver going.
-30 You plan a two-week hot bath;
The mighty Monongahela freezes;
Swedish cars don't start.
-40 Californians disappear;
International Falls natives put on a parka and go ice fishing, snowmobiling and skiing;
Canadians put on sweaters;
Your car helps you plan your trip south.
-50 Congressional hot air freezes;
Alaskans close the bathroom window.
-80 Hell freezes over;
Polar bears move south.
Read Our Senior Web Lackey's Conversation with Marvin Check Out the Frigid Tales from Frostbite Falls Check out Marvin's International Falls Thermometer Read Car Talk Winter Driving Tips

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