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  • Post-it notes stay up longer than the tiles he installed.
  • Your baby's first word is "Fire!"
  • Everyone in the emergency room yells, "Norm," when he walks in!
  • He gets frustrated assembling the toys that come in the kids' cereal boxes.
  • The first thing every guest says upon entering your house is, "You smell smoke?"
  • He threw out three new drill bits before he realized the drill was set on reverse.
  • He tried to convince you that the unsteady rocking motion of the ceiling fan he installed is an oscillation feature.
  • The fire department made a special trip to your house to confiscate his wire strippers.
  • He wallpapers the room without removing the pictures first.
  • After tuning up your car, he insists that running on three cylinders saves gas.
  • Your neighbors stopped loaning him tools for fear of being named "accessories."
  • Home Depot employees all chipped in to hire him a handy man.