My wife and I listen to your show religiously every Saturday.Got this via e-mail -- sounded like the kind of thing you guyswould enjoy.

Sentences Found in Patients' Medical Charts

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but herhusband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left sidefor over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on thethird day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. Shealso appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she beganseeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69-year-old male,mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at anotherhospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkablyinsignificant, with only a 40-pound weight gain in thepast three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia forlunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to getthis lady pregnant.

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, Ithought you might like to work her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated, and senthome.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for mostof her life, until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under ourcar for physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light andaccommodation.

24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circussized.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection.However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, whofelt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31. Patient has two teenage children, but no otherabnormalities.

Chris Bergman

[ As Read on Car Talk ]