Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?

Paul Lynde: Yes, but she still won't go up to your apartment.

* * *

Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?

Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

* * *

Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

* * *

Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?

Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.

* * *

Peter Marshall: What are "dual purpose" cattle good for that other cattle aren't?

Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies...but I don't recommend the cookies!

* * *

Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
 

Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

* * *

Peter Marshall: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
 

George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

* * *

Peter Marshall: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

* * *

Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
 

Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

* * *

Peter Marshall: True or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.

George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em.

* * *

Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

* * *

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

* * *

Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?

George Goebel: Cattle crossing.

* * *

Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

George Goebel: Get it in his mouth.

* * *

Peter Marshall: According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?

Paul Lynde: He's out of town.

* * *

Peter Marshall: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie "What's the Matter With Helen?" Who plays Helen?

Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked the question.

* * *

Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

* * *

Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

Charley Weaver: His feet.

* * *

Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?

Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

* * *

Peter Marshall: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you a man or a woman?

Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

* * *

Peter Marshall: Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?

Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn.

Wayne Onaka

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[ As Read on Car Talk ]