Really, Truly Bad Puns
Evidence has been found that William Tell and family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were destroyed in a fire and we'll never know for whom the Tells Bowled.
An anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the help of the tribal medicine man who pointed out that the fronds of a certain fern were a sure cure for constipation. When the anthropologist expressed doubts, the shaman looked him in the eye and said, "With fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
Back in the 1800s, the Tate Watch Co. of Mass. wanted to produce other products. They chose to produce compasses for the pioneers traveling west. Their watches had been excellent, but the compasses were so unreliable that people often ended up in Mexico or Canada. Thus the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost."
A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the bathroom fixtures. A spokesman was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."