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Abdicate—v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Balderdash—n., a rapidly receding hairline.
Bustard—n., a very rude Metrobus driver.
Carcinoma—n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
Circumvent—n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
Coffee—n., a person who is coughed upon.
Esplanade—v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Flabbergasted—adj., appalled at how much weight you have gained.
Flatulence—n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Gargoyle—n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.
Internet—n., the web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare Bill Clinton.
Lymph—v., to walk with a lisp.
Macadam—n., the first man on Earth, according to the Scottish bible.
Marionettes—n., residents of Washington, DC, who have been jerked around by the mayor.
Negligent—adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
Oyster—n., a person who sprinkles his or her conversation with Yiddish expressions.
Semantics—n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.
Testicle—n., a humorous question on an exam.
Rectitude—n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before s/he examines you.
Willy-nilly—adj., impotent.
