Happily, these are a little over the top... by 20 years... but who wants to hear how 40-somethings would really re-write the songs? Nobody said pop was pretty.

Paul Simon — "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver"
Carly Simon — "You're So Varicose Vein"
The Bee Gees — "How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"
Roberta Flack — "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"
Johnny Nash — "I Can't See Clearly Now"
The Temptations — "Papa Got a Kidney Stone"
Nancy Sinatra — "These Boots Give Me Arthritis"
ABBA — "Denture Queen"
Leo Sayer — "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"
Commodores — "Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom"
Procol Harem — "A Whiter Shade of Hair"
The Beatles — "I Get By with a Little Help From Depends"
Steely Dan — "Rikki Don't Lose Your Car Keys"
Herman's Hermits — "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker"
The Rolling Stones — "You Can't Always Pee When You Want"
Credence Clearwater Revival — "Bad Prune Rising"
Marvin Gaye — "I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"
The Who — "Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"
The Troggs — "Bald Thing"

Adair Rowland

[ As Read on Car Talk ]