Rant and Rave
A. Daniel Stark sent the following letter
(response sent from firstname.lastname@example.org).
The problem with drivers today is neither the speed or the enforcement. The problem is we have no sense of community on the highway. I, too, get annoyed with people driving in the left lane at or below the speed limit. However, I find the idiot wanting to use the left lane to see how fast he can accelerate his car before suffering severe nosebleeds to be an even greater annoyance. Why can't we just realize it takes a village to make us responsible members of the highway community?
To foster this idea, I propose that we replace the need for highway police by giving each and every driver a sufficient supply of suction darts that can be used to identify a stupid or annoying driver. As we drive down the highway and witness rude or stupid behavior on the part of a fellow driver, we simply roll down the window and shoot a dart at the offending vehicle.
Inspection plazas will be installed at appropriate intervals where each car is quickly inspected to determine the number of "stupid darts" it has acquired. If the car has five to nine darts, the inspector removes the darts and writes up the offender, which results in a "stupid driver assessment." If the car has more than nine darts affixed to it, the driver is immediately removed to a camp where his or her driving behavior is assessed and treatment initiated, which would consist of listening to Car Talk tapes (especially the Rant & Rave segments) for 16 hours per day for 10 days. At this time the offender should realize his or her errors and be eligible for return to society and the highways. If not, we can send them to France. The darts can be encoded with a microchip that has the address of the owner for return and use at a later date. In this way we take it on ourselves to self-police the roads and gently remind our fellow travelers of the need to be mindful of how their actions affect others.