If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine Aird

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes at 73

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I thinkof them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber

Who thought up the word "mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and sendit to someone. Jan King

A few weeks after my surgery, I went out to playcatch with my golden retriever. When I bent over to pick up the ball,my prosthesis fell out. The dog snatched it, and I found myself chasing himdown the road yelling,"Hey, come back here with my breast!" -Linda Ellerbee

Things are going to get a lot worse before theyget worse. -Lily Tomlin

You know the hardest thing about having cerebralpalsy and being a woman?It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how Ioriginally got pierced ears.-Geri Jewell

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic whonever owned a car.-Carrie

SnowLaugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and youcry with yourgirlfriends.-Laurie Kuslansky

My second favorite household chore is ironing. Myfirst being hitting myheadon the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck

Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A womanmust do what he can't.-Rhonda Hansome

The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -JaneSellman

Every time I close the door on reality it comesin through the windows.-Jennifer Unlimited

Whatever women do, they must do twice as wellas men to be thoughthalfas good. Luckily, this is not difficult.-Charlotte Whitton

Thirty-five is when you finally get your headtogether and your bodystartsfalling apart. -Caryn Leschen

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimesseveral days attack me atonce. -Jennifer Unlimited

When I was young, I was put in a school forretarded kids for two yearsbefore they realized I actually had a hearinglossand they called MEslow!-Kathy Buckley

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokesbecause I know I'm not dumb ...and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, butyou hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong

If high heels were so wonderful, men would stillbe wearing them. -SueGrafton

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one youcan ride on. Roseanne Barr

I think therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead

When women are depressed they either eat or goshopping. Men invadeanothercountry. -Elayne Boosler

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.-Maryon Pearson

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anythingdone, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how tocombine marriage and acareer. -Gloria Steinem

I never married because there was no need. I havethree pets at homewhichanswer the same purpose as a husband. I have adog that growls everymorning,a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a catthat comes home late everynight. -Marie Corelli

If men can run the world, why can't they stopwearing neckties? Howintelligent is it to start the day by tying anoose around your neck?-LindaEllerbee

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leavea man I keep his house.-ZsaZsa Gabor

Nobody can make you feel inferior without yourpermission. -EleanorRoosevelt

[ As Read on Car Talk ]