Philomedy: Our Favorite Philosophical Jokes

 

From the book, Understanding Philosophy through Jokes

Aristotle, Plato and Descartes are on a plane. The flight attendant comes by to take their drink orders. She asks Aristotle if he'd like a beverage. Aristotle says, "I'll have a ginger ale."

"And how about you, Mr. Plato?"

Plato says "Diet Coke, please."

She says, "and Mr. Descartes, anything to drink for you?"

Descartes says, "I think not," and disappears.


A man is praying to God. "Lord," he prays, "is it true that to you, a million years is but a second?"

"Yes," the Lord says, "that is true."

"Well, then, what is a million dollars to you?"

"A million dollars to me is but a penny."

"Ah, then, Lord," says the man. "May I have a penny?"

"Sure," says the Lord. "Just a second."


A guy comes into a bar and orders three beers and then proceeds to sip from one, then another, then another, until all three are gone. The bartender says, "You know the beers would stay a lot colder, if you ordered them one at a time."

"Yeah, I know," the guy says, "but I have two brothers who are living abroad, and we all agreed to drink this way, in memory of the old days when we were together. So these two beers are for my brothers, and the third is for me."

The bartender is touched. The guy becomes a regular. Then he comes in one day and orders just two beers. The bar falls silent. The bartender says, "Please accept my condolences, pal."

"Oh no, everyone's fine," the guy says. "My doctor just made me give up drinking!"


An angel appears to the head of a Philosophy Department and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."

Immediately, the professor chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, the professor is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.

One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"The professor says, "I should have taken the money!"