WOMEN'S ADS

40-ish
49

Average looking
Has a face like a basset hound

Beautiful
Pathological liar

Emotionally Secure
Medicated

Fun
Annoying

Gentle
Comatose

New Age
All body hair, all the time

Open-minded
Desperate

Outgoing
Loud and embarrassing

Passionate
Sloppy drunk

Redhead
Bad dye job

Reubenesque
Grossly fat

Romantic
Looks better by candlelight

Voluptuous
Very fat

Weight proportionate to height
Hugely fat

Wants Soulmate
Stalker

Widow
Drove first husband to shoot himself

MEN'S ADS

40-ish
52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic
Watches a lot of NASCAR

Average looking
Unusual hair growth on ears, nose and back

Educated
Will patronize the hell out of you

Good looking
Arrogant

Very good looking
Dumb as a board

Honest
Pathological liar

Huggable
Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Likes to cuddle
Insecure mama's boy

Mature
Older than your father

Sensitive
Cries at chick flicks

Very sensitive
Gay

Stable
Arrested for stalking, but not convicted

—Ben Moses

[ As Read on Car Talk ]