Once Upon a Car Fire: The Greatest Stories Ever Told
What do you think your constant storytelling reveals about you guys?
TOM: First of all, nothing is sacred. You'll notice that the butt of most of these stories is me. Or my brother.
RAY: Yeah, or our close friends. Family members. Or staff. We laugh at everybody, especially ourselves. And we find laughing at ourselves cathartic and freeing. Plus, it's fun. The stories make us laugh. And if we're laughing, and having a good time, life is good.
TOM: As our listeners have probably noticed, the person telling the story laughs as much as everyone else!
RAY: And we're not embarrassed about anything. Like the story about you stepping in the dog poop...while wearing sandals. We should be embarrassed about that. But we're not.
TOM: That was disgusting! I remember that story like it was yesterday. How long ago was it?
RAY: Yesterday. No, close to 35 years ago.
Is each of these stories really true?
RAY: Every one of them is absolutely true!
The Customer Is Always Stinko?
TOM: Sadly, that's true, too.
Catch This, You Little Twerp?
TOM: True - and my brother had it coming!
A Nice Juicy Pizza?
RAY: True! How could it be otherwise?
Power to the People?
RAY: That too.
Once Upon a Bird Clock?
My Own Son?
RAY: Afraid so.
I Thought I Wasa Parka da Car Ova Here-a?
How Many Engineers Does It Take to Screw In a Light Bulb?
TOM: Definitely true.
I Trust You, Joanne?
TOM: Oh boy. True.
Don't Drive Like My Brother?
"It Could Be Nothing, or It Could Be a Brrrain Tumorrr"?
RAY: True. And very funny!
How Low Can You Go?
The Subway Fugitive?
RAY: True. Just ask the DC cops.
The Great Montreal Hotel Fire?
TOM: True, and I'm quite proud of that fact.
RAY: In fact, you can get corroboration on all of these from a variety of people - most notably my wife - who witnessed many of these events.
What's your favorite story on this CD and why?
RAY: I think my favorite story is, "It Could Be Nothing, or It Could Be a Brrrain Tumorrr." It was just so unexpected. The doctor's eyes just lit up with excitement, like he was so happy that I might have a brain tumor. I know that sounds awful. But I started laughing and couldn't stop, even though he was talking about my possibly having a brain tumor!
TOM: The great Montreal hotel fire story is my favorite. It still makes me laugh the most. It was so great!
RAY: I fell for it hook, line and sinker.
You seem to take as much pleasure in telling each of these stories the 10th time, as much as the first. Why do you think that is?
RAY: When you tell a story for the tenth time, it's because there's one person in the group who hasn't heard it. And if you tell it with the same enthusiasm that you did the first time, everybody gets to relive the funny moment... including the storyteller.
TOM: And everyone laughs - not just the guy who hasn't heard the story before. The other ten people laugh, too.
RAY: They were funny the first time, there's no reason why they shouldn't be funny the tenth.
Can you hint at a story or two that we'll never hear on the air?
TOM: There are a couple in which the language is so severe...
RAY: ...or the actions of the participants were so unspeakable... Like the time that a friend of ours whose name we can't mention (editor's note: Tony) "flashed a moon" at Cadillac Mountain in Maine, and what he yelled while doing it. Or what our other friend who we won't name (editor's note: Stanley) barked out when his transmission suddenly died.
TOM: They won't make it onto any CD or the radio show. But they were just as funny!
RAY: The story about Mayo's Duck Farm isn't on this CD. I'll have to tell that someday. Stayed tuned... I'll tell it one of these weeks.