I've just read a bunch of letters sent to you guys, and I noticed that almost without exception the letter writers insulted you. I think that is mighty rude of them, so I'd like to address a few words to those mean-spirited letter writers:
Dear Mean-spirited Letter Writers:
Just because it is true, do you tell your spouse that he/she is fat and ugly? Just because it is true, do you tell your boss that he is a moron? Just because it is true, do you look at yourself in the mirror and say, "You must be the most pathetic, worthless human being on the planet?"
Of course not!
So, why pick on Tom and Ray? Just because they are in no position to poison your pancakes, downsize your job out of existence or force you to commit suicide is no reason to be rude to these ridiculous idiots. They deserve to be treated with the same silent contempt as judges and police officers. Save your cruel remarks for those who asked for it: politicians. Tom and Ray may be stupid and obnoxious (not necessarily in that order), but that is no reason to throw it in their faces. How about a little civility?
There, I feel better.