Thought if anyone would, the boys would appreciate this. No doubt urban folklore, but first rate nonetheless!

Charlie Bloomer



 

McDonnell Douglas Warranty Card

The following was a page put on the McDonnell Douglas Internet homepage by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception to it, however...


Aircraft--Space Systems--Missiles

Important! Important! Please fill out and mail this card within 10days of purchase.

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. Inorder to protect your new investment, please take a few moments tofill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the surveyquestions is not required, but the information will help us todevelop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. _Mr.
_Mrs.
_Ms.
_Miss
_Lt.
_Gen.
_Comrade
_Classified
_Other
First name:
Initial:
Last name:
Password:
Code name:
Latitude: Longitude: Altitude:
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
  _F-14 Tomcat
_F-15 Eagle
_F-16 Falcon
_F-117A Stealth
_Classified
 
3. Date of purchase:
4. Serial number:
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
  _Received as gift/aid package
_Catalog showroom
_Sleazy arms broker
_Mail order
_Discount store
_Government surplus
_Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglasproduct you have just purchased:
  _Heard loud noise, looked up
_Store display
_Espionage
_Recommended by friend/relative/ally
_Political lobbying by manufacturer
_Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced yourdecision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
  _Style/appearance
_Kickback/bribe
_Recommended by salesperson
_Speed/maneuverability
_Comfort/convenience
_McDonnell Douglas reputation
_Advanced weapons systems
_Price/value
_Back-room politics
_Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
  _North America
_Central/South America
_Aircraft carrier
_Europe
_Middle East
_Africa
_Asia/Far East
_Misc. Third World countries
_Classified
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend topurchase in the near future:
  Product Own       Intend to Purchase
  Color TV
VCR
ICBM
Killer satellite
CD player
Air-to-air missiles
Space shuttle
Home computer
Nuclear weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check allthat apply:
  _Communist/Socialist
_Terrorist
_Crazed
_Neutral
_Democratic
_Dictatorship
_Corrupt
_Primitive/tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
  _Cash
_Suitcases of cocaine
_Oil revenues
_Deficit spending
_Personal check
_Credit card
_Ransom money
_Traveler's check
12. Occupation You       Your Spouse
  Homemaker
Sales/marketing
Revolutionary
Clerical
Mercenary
Tyrant
Middle management
Eccentric billionaire
Defense minister/general
Retired
Student
13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, pleaseindicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouseenjoy participating on a regular basis:
  Activity/Interest You       Your Spouse
  Golf
Boating/sailing
Sabotage
Running/jogging
Propaganda/disinformation
Destabilization/overthrow
Default on loans
Gardening
Crafts
Black market/smuggling
Collectibles/collections
Watching sports on TV
Wines
Interrogation/torture
Household pets
Crushing rebellions
Espionage/reconnaissance
Fashion clothing
Border disputes
Mutually assured destruction

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnellDouglas serve you better in the future--as well as allowing you toreceive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800

[ As Read on Car Talk ]