McDonnell Douglas Warranty Card
Thought if anyone would, the boys would appreciate this. No doubt urban folklore, but first rate nonetheless!
Charlie Bloomer
The following was a page put on the McDonnell Douglas Internet homepage by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception to it, however...
Aircraft--Space Systems--Missiles
Important! Important! Please fill out and mail this card within 10days of purchase.
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. Inorder to protect your new investment, please take a few moments tofill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the surveyquestions is not required, but the information will help us todevelop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
| 1. |
_Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other |
First name: Initial: Last name: Password: Code name: Latitude: Longitude: Altitude: |
| 2. | Which model aircraft did you purchase? | |
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_F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-117A Stealth _Classified |
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| 3. | Date of purchase: | |
| 4. | Serial number: | |
| 5. | Please check where this product was purchased: | |
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_Received as gift/aid package _Catalog showroom _Sleazy arms broker _Mail order _Discount store _Government surplus _Classified |
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| 6. | Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglasproduct you have just purchased: | |
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_Heard loud noise, looked up _Store display _Espionage _Recommended by friend/relative/ally _Political lobbying by manufacturer _Was attacked by one |
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| 7. | Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced yourdecision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product: | |
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_Style/appearance _Kickback/bribe _Recommended by salesperson _Speed/maneuverability _Comfort/convenience _McDonnell Douglas reputation _Advanced weapons systems _Price/value _Back-room politics _Negative experience opposing one in combat |
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| 8. | Please check the location(s) where this product will be used: | |
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_North America _Central/South America _Aircraft carrier _Europe _Middle East _Africa _Asia/Far East _Misc. Third World countries _Classified |
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| 9. | Please check the products that you currently own or intend topurchase in the near future: | |
| Product | Own Intend to Purchase | |
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Color TV VCR ICBM Killer satellite CD player Air-to-air missiles Space shuttle Home computer Nuclear weapon |
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| 10. | How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check allthat apply: | |
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_Communist/Socialist _Terrorist _Crazed _Neutral _Democratic _Dictatorship _Corrupt _Primitive/tribal |
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| 11. | How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product? | |
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_Cash _Suitcases of cocaine _Oil revenues _Deficit spending _Personal check _Credit card _Ransom money _Traveler's check |
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| 12. | Occupation | You Your Spouse |
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Homemaker Sales/marketing Revolutionary Clerical Mercenary Tyrant Middle management Eccentric billionaire Defense minister/general Retired Student |
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| 13. | To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, pleaseindicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouseenjoy participating on a regular basis: | |
| Activity/Interest | You Your Spouse | |
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Golf Boating/sailing Sabotage Running/jogging Propaganda/disinformation Destabilization/overthrow Default on loans Gardening Crafts Black market/smuggling Collectibles/collections Watching sports on TV Wines Interrogation/torture Household pets Crushing rebellions Espionage/reconnaissance Fashion clothing Border disputes Mutually assured destruction |
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Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnellDouglas serve you better in the future--as well as allowing you toreceive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups and mysterious consortia. Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION |
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