From The Martha Stewart Calendar
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Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray-paint gold, turn upsidedown and use as sleigh to hold Christmas cards.
Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message foranswering machine.
Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashioncat-o'-nine-tails. Flog gardener.
Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.
Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer Committee for consideration.
Debug Windows 95.
Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
Lay Faberge egg.
Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
Collage dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly fordecorative pie crusts.
Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
Replace air in minivan tires with Glade "Holiday Scents" in casetires are shot out at mall.
Childproof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same heightwhen sitting at his or her assigned seat.
Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar toadd a festive sparkle to the pasture.
Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamonsticks.
Float votive candles in toilet tank.
Seed clouds for white Christmas.
Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged inlast-minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel lessinadequate than they really are.
Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color-coordinated manger scented with homemadepotpourri.
Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
Build snowman in exact likeness of God.
New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each timezone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.