July 17, 1994
Dear Click & Clack:
Well, I hope you are happy. I am going to be a spinster for the rest of my life all because of you and your lousy show.
For years I have been dating a wonderful man with whom I had the perfect relationship. There was only one note of discord between us and that discordant note was none other than "Car Talk" and Click and Clack. It is difficult to believe that he could not love "Car Talk" because he comes from an illiterate family and all of his cousins are married to each other. Never was a man more genetically predisposed to love "Car Talk," but, alas, this was not the case-- he loathes your show. He despises the way you laugh, he cringes at the sound of your voices. Dare I say that he hates you even more than Melissa Peterson and her dog hate you?! In the end he begged me to give up "Car Talk", but I refused, I had to draw the line somewhere. If I gave up "Car Talk," what would he want me to do next? Be nice to his mother?
Now that I am single once again I need your advice. Thanks to your lousy show I will not be honeymooning in Nepal this September. Instead I am going to go on a quest. I will be traveling alone on a road trip through the Southwest in search of a man who loves "Car Talk" and is not ashamed to admit it. If his dog also likes "Car Talk" that's even better.
I will be traveling alone in my 1991 Toyota truck which already has 214,000 miles on it. I am worried about breaking down in the middle of nowhere and being taken advantage of by sleazy car mechanics like yourselves. Please help me to prepare for this trip by answering some questions:
- What precautions, besides a tune-up, should I take to make sure that my truck is ready for this trip?
- Since the Southwest is a desert, I am assuming that the car mechanics there do not have boats. What other expensive toy might they have that would clue me in if I'm being ripped off to finance it?
- A. Can you recommend any honest, decent car mechanics in the area just in case I run into trouble? B. Are any of them single?
Please answer my letter ASAP so I will have time to use your sage advice to prepare for my trip. After all, I wouldn't have to take this trip alone if I had been able to give up listening to your lousy show in the first place! Thanks for nothing guys. Happy Trails!
Your Faithful Listener,
El Cerrito, CA