Abdicate-v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Balderdash-n., a rapidly receding hairline.

Bustard-n., a very rude Metrobus driver.

Carcinoma-n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Circumvent-n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Coffee-n., a person who is coughed upon.

Esplanade-v., to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Flabbergasted-adj., appalled at how much weight you have gained.

Flatulence-n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Gargoyle-n., an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Internet-n., the web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare Bill Clinton.

Lymph-v., to walk with a lisp.

Macadam-n., the first man on Earth, according to the Scottish bible.

Marionettes-n., residents of Washington, DC, who have been jerked around by the mayor.

Negligent-adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Oyster-n., a person who sprinkles his or her conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Semantics-n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Testicle-n., a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude-n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before s/he examines you.

Willy-nilly-adj., impotent.

[ As Read on Car Talk ]