It's All in The Attitude


EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY

Day 180
8:00 am—OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am—OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am—OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am—OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am—OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon—OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm—OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm—OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm—OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm—OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day 181
8:00 am—OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am—OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am—OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am—OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am—OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon—OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm—OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm—OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm—OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm—OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

Day 182
8:00 am—OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am—OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am—OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am—OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am—OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon—OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm—OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm—OOOOOOOH. BATH. BUMMER!
4:00 pm—OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm—OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 pm—OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!

 

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

DAY 183
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The onlything that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 184
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet whiletheywere walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once againinduced myself to vomit on their favorite chair... must try this on their bed.

DAY 185
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 186
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 187
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed insolitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell thefoul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I over heard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 188
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

 

Joel Etra

 

[ As Read on Car Talk ]