I need some help You see I have a crush...
I need some help. You see, I have a crush on my mechanic, but I can't seem
to bring myself to just ask him on a date or ask if he has a significant
other. I keep stopping in with questions about my truck, but I'm running
out of those, as well as money to have things fixed. I'm not picking up any
vibes from him. Do you have any suggestions? -- No Names Please
TOM: Well, if he hasn't noticed you yet, he's unlike any living mechanic
we've ever met, NNP.
RAY: Here's what I would do. I'd get a yellow legal pad, and I'd start to
compose a "personal ad." Include your age, a modest description of yourself
(young, vivacious, etc.) and some of your interests. Then include a line
that says something like "loves guys who can fix things."
TOM: Then conveniently leave this "work in progress" on the passenger seat
of your truck, with the pen sitting on top of it.
RAY: Then go in and tell Mr. Hotwrench that you're hearing a strange noise
in the passenger compartment. Tell him it's intermittent, and that it
occurs every five minutes or so, so he'll have to sit in the truck with the
engine running for five minutes until he hears it.
TOM: That should do it. He'll be sitting in your truck bored, with nothing
to do. He'll inevitably look around and see the personal ad you're working
on. And if he has any interest whatsoever, that should give him all the
encouragement he needs.
RAY: And if you really want to seal the deal, add to your personal ad
"loves to drink beer, watch sports on TV and have the guys over for poker."
And then throw a Victoria's Secret catalog on the dashboard.