Car Talk

Pontiac Aztek

The auto equivalent of Picasso on a bad day. — Christopher

So bad, they couldn't even spell its name correctly. — Kit

The Plaztek has to be the ugliest hunk of polystyrene ever molded. — Jeff

Let's face it, not every engineering student gets an "A". The "D" students need work also. — Bob

One of our neighbors has a green one which we call the "toadmobile," which, come to think of it, is an insult to toads. —Richard

The back end looks like it was stretched up too high, kind of like when an elderly person hikes their pants up to their chin. — Eric

That didn't just get hit with an ugly stick; it came charging out of the ugly forest! — Chris

It looks the way Montezuma's revenge feels. — John

Looks like it was designed by two separate teams of engineers that started at opposite bumpers and worked their way towards the middle, each unable to talk to the other until they met at the center doorpost. — Nate

Was Pontiac taken over by a high school shop class? — Sam

It has all the style, grace, and sexiness of an orthopedic shoe. — Byron

A horrid assembly of mismatched lines and angles, made even worse by the gray plastic body cladding of the "original edition." — Richard

Just screams "committee." — Thomas

Look like it has a wedgie. — Lisa

Ever seen this car from behind? It's like getting behind a horse that's ready to drop a load. — Susan

Looks like it went into the crusher before the showroom! The last step in the production process was being hit with an ugly stick. — Nate

It is amazing Pontiac hasn't been sued for accidents caused by drivers spewing coffee over the inside of their windshields when Azteks drive by. — Thomas

Toyota Scion xB

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone. — Art

Is the black glass to protect the identity of the geek who's driving? — Tarek

Is it full of clowns when you buy it? — Tom

My kids call the Element and Scion "Lego cars". But at least you can take a Lego car apart and make something useful out of it. — Beverly

Did the cleaning lady take the plans for this out of the trash as a joke — and nobody noticed? — Susie

All the grace of a hippo on stilts. — Chris

Did they forget to take it out of its shipping crate? — Richard

A smaller, uglier distant cousin of the Honda Element; it's inherently unstable, underpowered and hideous to look at. — Steve

Looks like some sort of milk truck for a Shriner parade. — Will

Its appearance should serve as an innovative but effective first line of defense against car theft. — Sharon

When I was younger, my friends and I would make cars out of refrigerator boxes. Never in a million years could I have dreamed we were actually years ahead of our time. — Josh

Takes the cube to new levels of ugliness. — Jon

Honda Element

Looks like a Hummer, fresh out of a trash compactor. — Catherine

Nice box. Where's the car that came in it? — Sean

All that's missing to complete its Barney Rubble-mobile appearance is holes in the floorboard so you can hang your legs out. — Stangas

Every time we see a Honda Element, we wonder, "What element is it? Butt-uglium?" — Ed & Vicki

Looks like the owner thought, "I'd like to own a Hummer, but I work at Foot Locker." — John

This is what happens when you cross an armored car with a circus midget. — Norb

Looks like a Soviet-era ice cream truck. — Jason

If you put a trunk in the front, you could call it the Honda Elephant. — Tony

Where did they find the designer — in the UPS garage? — Mary Jo

A rollover would improve its looks! — Terry

Reminds me of a communist taxicab. — Don

A toaster on wheels! It is so ugly that it makes the Aztek look attractive. — Glenn

Hummer H2

Stands for "hideous, squared." — Amy

Proves yet again that money can't buy you looks. — Scott

Physically repulsive and morally bankrupt. — Kathryn

It is the automotive equivalent of Aunt Bertha. — Farrar

Designed from the despicable principle of "form follows marketing." — Ed

An affront to the world environment, with its gas-guzzling "I've got mine" attitude. — Don

Chrysler PT Cruiser

So, how many clowns can you fit in that thing? — George

Add running boards and it looks like the cars used in Eliot Ness versus Al Capone — except that the height requirement for G-men would have been, say, 4 foot 6. — Eric

It's disheartening when I see one with flames that are only PAINTED on. — Marc

Looks like it belongs in a cartoon. What does the "PT" stand for, Puddy Tat? — Dan

Appeals only to middle-aged women who like to paint flames on the sides. What is going on with that? — Josh

My boss drives one and he thinks he's "cool." He isn't. — Amy

Looks like something The Joker would be driving in a Batman movie." — Kim

Chrysler 300

Who knew so many pimps were wannabe bluehairs? — John

News Flash: Chrysler teams up with Norelco to produce first luxury car with floating heads! — Dave

Who knew so many bluehairs were wannabe pimps? — Jeanne

As the guy in the movie "Christine" said, "You can't polish a t-d." — David Thomas

Dodge Magnum

Daimler-Chrysler, I beg of you to put a lock on the liquor cabinet in the Engineer's break room. — John

Absolutely Freudian. Give the man a huge cigar! — John

So ugly, it looks like something Gomez Addams would drive if he wanted an upgrade--and Pugsley designed it, right? — Amy

Looks like a hearse. Are caskets an option? — Joanne

I'm so glad to see Daimler-Chrysler doesn't have minimum vision requirements for its engineers. — Katrina

The Welsh Corgi of the car world — it wishes to be the big dog, but it's cut too short to the ground. — Carrie

Chevy Avalanche

Chevrolet teams up with Tupperware to design their latest truck! — Matt

Notice how angry its headlights look? Did it see itself in the mirror on the way out of the factory? — Eric

Lovingly adorned with more plastic than Anna Nicole Smith. — Marcia

Subaru Baja

The first focus group they showed it to must have commented "baja-ha-ha-ha" while rolling on the floor! — Lisa

Who designed this? The Beach Boys and The Beverly Hillbillies? — Jack

Should be a warning for all scientists working on genetic engineering. This is the kind of thing that can result, if you're not careful. — Tim

Clearly, some Subaru designer saw a Legacy slam into an F-150 — then scurried to work to tell everyone his great idea. — Al

BMW 5 Series

Did they steal this design from Volkswagen? I know they're trying to add curves to the classic lines, but they've gone too Far-fegnugen. — Brian

It looks like a Pontiac on acid. — Morgan