Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.

The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy--you'll never be able to outrun that bear!"

"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."

* * *

What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?
A boxing referee doesn't get paid extra for a longer fight.

* * *

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

* * *

A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.

"I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000."

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell 'fore'."

"I'll take it!," the attorney said.

* * *

A lawyer drags in from a day on the golf course looking wasted.

His wife asks, "What's the matter?"

"My partner, Henry, dropped dead on the fifth green," the lawyer replied. "That's terrible," said his wife.

"You'd better believe it," the lawyer said. "After that it was nothing but hit the ball and drag Henry. Hit the ball and drag Henry...."

* * *

Q: What's the difference between baseball and law?
A: In baseball, if you're caught stealing, you're out.

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Nobody Loves a Lawyer ]

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