"There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law. No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth."

--Jean Giradoux

* * *

After his graduation from college, the son of a Spanish lawyer was considering his future. He went to his father and asked if he might be given a desk in the corner from which he could observe his father's activities and be introduced to his father's clients as a clerk. His observations would help him decide whether or not to become a lawyer. His father thought this was a great idea and immediately helped to set it up.

The first client the next morning was a tenant farmer-a rough-hewn man with calloused hands who was dressed in workman's clothing. He said,
"Mr. Lawyer, I work for the Gonzales farm on the east side of town. For many years I have tended their crops and animals, including some cows. I have raised the cows, fed them and looked after them. And I was always given the understanding and the belief that I was the owner of these cows. Now Mr. Gonzales has died and his son has inherited the farm. He believes that since the cows were raised on his land and ate his hay, the cows are his. In short, we are in dispute over who owns the cows."

The lawyer said, "Thank you. I have heard enough. I will take your case. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!"

The next client to come in, a young and well-dressed young man, was obviously a landowner. He said, "My name is Gonzales and I own a farm on the east side of town. We have a tenant farmer who has worked for my family for many years, tending crops and the animals, including some cows. I believe the cows belong to me because they were raised on my land and were fed my hay. But the tenant farmer believes they are his because he raised them and cared for them. In short, we are in dispute over who owns the cows."

The lawyer said, "Thank you. I have heard enough. I will take your case. DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!"

After the client left, the lawyer's son could not help but express his concern. "Father, I know very little about the law, but it seems we have a very serious problem concerning these cows."

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COWS!" the lawyer said. "The cows will be ours!"

* * *

A blizzard struck one February evening, and the next morning the streets were impassable. One student who lived two miles from the campus and who normally commuted by elevated railway heard on the radio that the el was not running. Dutifully he trudged through the snow-filled sidewalks, arriving twenty minutes late for his Contracts class. There at the podium the professor was holding forth to an audience of one. Instead of taking his regular assigned seat, the student slipped into the seat next to the other fellow. The new arrival listened to the lecture and after a while leaned toward the other student.

"What's he talking about?" he whispered.

"How should I know?" came the reply. "I got here five minutes before you did."

--David Levin

* * *

A university committee was selecting a new dean. They had narrowed the candidates down to a mathematician, an economist and a lawyer.

Each was asked this question during their interview: "How much is two plus two?"

The mathematician answered immediately, "Four."

The economist thought for several minutes and finally answered, "Four, plus or minus one."

Finally the lawyer stood up, peered around the room and motioned silently for the committee members to gather close to him. In a hushed, conspiratorial tone, he replied, "How much do you want it to be?"

* * *

Two smart, attractive, well-educated young law graduates, Sally and Edith, were competing for a prestigious job. As part of the job interview each was asked why she wanted the job. Edith answered that she wanted to work for a firm with a reputation of being concerned with truth and justice. When it was her turn, Sally simply opened her purse, took out a rather thin wallet and laid it on the senior partner's desk. "I want to fatten it up as fast as possible," she said.

Sally got the job.

* * *

Between grand theft and a legal fee,
There only stands a law degree.

* * *

The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."

The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then replied, "Okay. I'd tell him 'I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"

* * *

The reason law schools have been described as "a place for the accumulation of learning" is that first-year students bring some in, third-year students take none out--and so knowledge accumulates.

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