A lawyer trying to get tickets to the rage of the day, Phantom of the Opera, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived, the woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused.

The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."

* * *

A doctor told her patient that his test results indicated that he had a rare disease and had only six months to live.

"Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient.

"Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."

* * *

A young man struck up a communication with a young lass in a singles bar. All went well until he admitted he was a dentist, at which point she lost interest. The next evening and again the next, pretty much the same thing happened.

Finally on the fourth night the bartender, who had overheard much of what had transpired, took the dentist aside and explained that this was primarily a lawyers' hangout and most of the women patrons seemed to prefer them.

The dentist took the hint and told the next young woman he found attractive that he was a partner at Babble, Grabble and Scrabble. She was enthusiastic and before long he happily found himself testing the softness of her feather bed.

As he gave way to the delights of the moment he thought "Hey, this is great. I've only been a lawyer for an hour and a half and I'm already screwing someone."

* * *

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!

"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"

"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

* * *

She: You just don't care anymore!

He: You're just upset. Why don't I buy you something to make you feel better?

She: Like what?

He: How about a trip to Europe?

She: No.

He: What about a new Jaguar?

She: No.

He: Well, what DO you want?

She: A divorce.

He: (Pause) I wasn't planning on spending that much.

* * *

How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?
She has an extreme craving for baloney.

* * *

Q: What's a good wedding present for a lawyer who marries a snake?
A: Towels marked Hiss and Hiss.

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Lawyers on Vacation ]

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