"A good lawyer is a great liar."
--Edward Ward

* * *

Q: What do lawyers do after they die?
A: They lie still.

* * *

One juror overheard saying to another..."You'll notice that neither the prosecutor or defense attorney swore to tell the truth!"

* * *

Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case.
"Look," said one to the other, "let's be honest with each other."
"Okay, you first," replied the other.
That was the end of the discussion.

* * *

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Billy, you be first," she said. "What does you mother do all day?"

Billy stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher, "What about your father, Tim?"

Tim proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.

Later that day she went to Tim's house and rang the bell. Tim's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded an explanation.

Tim's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

* * *

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

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